


Behind your back

by PinkLotus (EspurrsVena)



Category: JO1 (Japan Band), Produce 101 (Japan TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Secret Relationship, Unrequited Love, no beta wie die like real men, well at least for two people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24947305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EspurrsVena/pseuds/PinkLotus
Summary: Both Shosei and Syoya developed feelings for Sukai. While Syoya decides to act on them, Shosei chooses to stay quiet for the sake of their friendship. But Sukai has chosen already and leaves one person broken hearted.
Relationships: Kinjo Sukai/Ohira Shosei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Behind your back

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [（授权翻译）暗室](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27044743) by [miowhysoserious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miowhysoserious/pseuds/miowhysoserious)



Sometimes you had to make choices in life you did not like, choices that hurt you, but at the same time they were for the greater good. To prevent pain in the future, you choose to endure pain in the present. Eventually, a friendship could last years, but a relationship was more uncertain territory. Thus, being careful was smarter, especially if you expected to be with a person for years. 

That’s why Shosei decided to stay quiet about his feelings for Sukai. That’s why he pretended that his group member was nothing but a friend for him. That’s why he avoided being too close to him. 

All of the S4 members were close; they were like brothers, but for some reason Sukai made his heart beat faster. He barely could explain what attracted him to the brown haired one, maybe it was his cool aura. But each time he was alone with Sukai he couldn’t think straight anymore. So, he avoided those situations as much as possible. He tried to stay subtle about this. He didn't want his friend to think, he hated him. He wanted to keep the friendship. 

One evening, Sukai had invited him to watch some movies in his room and while Shosei’s heart yearned to agree, his mind told him to decline the offer. It was too dangerous.  
Luckily, Shion also messaged him and invited him and Syoya to watch some animes with him. It was a safer evening program, so he agreed to that plan while declining Sukai's one. 

Eventually, that evening offered something unexpected. When they just had finished one of the animes Shion had picked – some boy fell in love to his childhood friend – Syoya suddenly asked shyly: “Do you think it could work in real life? From friends to lovers?”  
“Why not? Why are you even asking? We are not allowed to date any girls.” Both Shion and Shosei were visibly confused about that question. Each of them should know that it wasn’t the right time for dating.  
“Please don’t become angry...” Syoya’s voice had become quiet and he looked like a frightened bunny to Shosei at that moment. “It’s not a girl...” 

“Wait? You mean one of the members?” Shion nearly jumped out of the bed on which they were sitting out of shock.  
“Yes. But please keep it to yourselves.”  
“Of course, Syoya.” Actually, Shosei was surprised that he wasn’t the only one. From what he knew, none of the members had any experience regarding other guys. Yet on the other hand, being stuck together for quite some time, could make people develop unexpected feelings. Somehow, he was curious who could it be. “May I ask who you like?”  
If he had to guess, Shosei would have picked Keigo as Syoya's secret crush. Both him and Syoya were close, being from the same town and having similar interests. 

However, Syoya’s answer was a shock. “It’s Sukai.”  
“No way.” While Shosei had lost his voice, Shion’s voice had reached a volume similar to an excited Junki.  
“Please don’t be disgusted at me. I don’t know why either... He has just that aura. I couldn’t help but to be attracted to him.” Syoya seemed to be scared of their reaction to his confession, so his voice got quieter with every word and he wasn't able to look into the eyes of his friends.  
Due the shock this sudden confession had caused Shion was frozen and thus useless and while Shosei wasn’t happy about someone else having feelings for Sukai, Syoya looked so pitiful in that moment that he couldn’t help but hug him. “It’s alright. We could never hate you for this. Right Shion?” One slightly angry glare into his direction was enough to make the called one nod at least.  
“Thank you, guys. But don’t tell anyone. Not even Sho.” 

After that night, Shosei expected Syoya to stay as lowkey as himself about his feelings, but eventually he noticed that the slightly older one actively tried to be closer to Sukai. As much as it irked Shosei to see this, it confirmed to him that his decision to stay quiet about his own feelings was the right one. They looked cute together and fit much better than him Sukai. Also, now not one but two friendships were at stake, so it was smarter to choose those over his feelings. He hoped them to fade away eventually. 

However, at this moment he was in pain and he needed some affirmation that his choice was the correct one. Thus, one day he decided to share his worries with Ruki. He knew he could trust the older one with everything, but he tried the best to leave out as much details as possible. Yet Ruki figured everything out. “So, let me sum up. You and Syoya both like Sukai, but you worry too much, so you aren’t doing anything. Meanwhile, Syoya tries his luck, thus making you miserable and jealous.” 

“How?” He had no idea how Ruki had figured out everything. He hadn't mentioned any names. Still, Ruki had a talent for reading people.  
“Easy. You keep running away from Sukai while Syoya runs towards him. It’s so obvious that it wouldn’t surprise me if Sukai had noticed something going on, too.”  
Shosei prayed that Sukai hadn’t figured out anything yet. It was too dangerous, too embarrassing, too much things were at stake.  
“At least, I’m glad you finally shared your worries with me, Shosei. I told you so often that you shouldn’t keep things too yourself. You only hurt yourself.”  
“I know, but I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.”  
“You don’t. We are a family now. Family supports each other no matter what.” 

After the talk with Ruki Shosei felt a little better. Indeed, sharing his worries had been a better way to deal with them, yet he was still unsure how to proceed next. However, that decision was taken from him. 

On the way back to his room, he walked into Sukai. “Shosei, I was looking for you! My family send over some food and I thought we could cook together.”  
Sukai’s smile right in front of him made him unable to deny his request, so Shosei nodded and followed Sukai back to his room. His heart beat like crazy, but he tried his best to stay composed on the outside. It seemed to be successful, because the other one didn’t seem to notice anything. They prepared the meal as if they were nothing but friends. 

Once they were done, Sukai suddenly decided that they should watch a movie while eating. So instead of sitting in front of Sukai’s small table, they moved on his bed and ate there. Shosei heart sped up because of this and he had focus solely on his food, so he wouldn’t make a mess. All the recent avoiding had not helped him. Instead it had made everything worse. He wasn’t used to be that close to Sukai anymore, thus making his heart and mind go crazier than before. 

“Oh Sukai. I forgot something. Something important. Thanks for the meal, but-” Before he could finish the sentence, Sukai pinned him on the bed. Both plates fell on the floor, yet they didn't matter anymore.  
“Don’t run away again.”  
Sukai’s voice was like a growl and Shosei could feel his face heat up because of this. That his heart beat like the wings of a humming bird only added to his misery. “Sukai, what are you doing?” In that situation he was honestly surprised that he was able to form a sentence.  
“Preventing you from running away from me again.”  
“I didn’t run away from you.”  
“Do you think, I didn’t notice? So, tell me now, why you did that.” 

For some reason, Shosei felt like Sukai knew the answer already but wanted a proper confession. But he could not say those words. He was too afraid. “I can’t.”  
“Tell me.” Sukai’s face became closer and he could feel his breath on his own face. Panic and longing grew exponential inside of Shosei.  
“I can’t, Sukai. Please.”  
“Then show me.” 

The words barely left Sukai’s lips when those crushed on Shosei’s ones. It made Shosei’s mind shut down, thus his body started to finally act on his feelings and he returned the kiss. Despite Sukai claiming that he wasn’t much experienced regarding love, he was a good kisser. Shosei was feeling like he reached cloud nine, so when Sukai finally let go off his arms, he wrapped those around his neck and pulled him even closer. 

Sukai’s lips might have been a forbidden fruit, but that fruit tasted so good, that after the first taste Shosei couldn’t let go off those. Each moment added intensity and heat to the kiss. What had started as an innocent movie night, had turned into something else, something less innocent. Sukai’s lips had taken away Shosei’s worries and replaced those with want for his group member. In a saner moment he would have realised that the want had been always there, it was just buried under his worries. It felt good to let them wash away, to let himself melt against the other one, to let the other one kiss him crazy. 

At the same time, kissing Sukai like that felt like a dream. A dream that ended for him when he heard a knock on the door and Syoya’s voice. “Sukai, do you have time?”  
Shosei broke the kiss and looked slightly panicky at the other one. For a moment he had forgotten Syoya and his feelings and it didn’t feel right to tell him the truth now. “Sukai, what should we do?”, he whispered, not wanting to be heard from the person on the outside.  
“Stay quiet. He will leave eventually.” 

Unlike Shosei, Sukai was unbothered by the unexpected visitor and moved his lips towards the neck of the person under him. Shosei had no idea how to stay quiet in his moment, so he removed his arms from the other one’s neck and held a hand on his mouth to muffle his moans. Neck kisses were his weakness.  
“Sukai, are you even here? Did you leave the light on again while going to the supermarket?”  
A few more moments passed until they finally heard Syoya leave. 

Besides the neck kisses, Shosei felt the magic has faded. “He likes you.”  
“I know.”  
“He is our friend. I don’t want to hurt him.” Besides that they were rivals for Sukai’s heart, Shosei cared for his friend and his feelings. He didn’t want him to be hurt.  
“Me too. But what do you want to do?”  
“We should stay lowkey. We are not allowed to date anyway.” It might not be the best solution, but it was the most practical one for the moment. 

That day marked the start of their secret relationship. Outside of schedules it was easy to stay lowkey. Visiting each other’s rooms was a common occurrence in their dorm anyway, so no one wondered if they saw them doing so.  
It was harder when they had schedules. Sukai’s fanservice skills made not only the fans go crazy but also Shosei. More than once it ended in them making out in the toilet or some other room during a schedule, yet they were never caught. They also exchanged small but sweet gestures in public, when they thought no one was looking. Everything seemed well. At least they thought so... 

One day after they returned to the dorm after a scheduled during which the two of them took a make out-break once more, Shosei decided to visit Sho in the evening to make some music with him. Yet when he reached Sho’s room, he heard Syoya’s crying from the inside. 

“I can’t believe, he didn’t say anything... I thought we were friends.”  
“I’m sure, Shosei did not want to hurt you.”  
“But I told him my secret and he started a relationship with Sukai behind my back...”  
Shosei never felt that awful in his life. He did not want to hurt his friend, yet he managed to do the opposite. A part of him wanted to enter the room and comfort Syoya, too, but he was sure that he was the last one the broken hearted Syoya wanted to see in that moment. 

Not wanting to be alone at that point, his steps took him to Sukai’s room. He knew it was wrong, but he longed for Sukai’s strong arms and the other one telling him that he wasn’t the worst friend on his planet.  
When Sukai saw how miserable he looked, he took him into his arms on the spot. “Hey what happened? I thought you wanted to go to Sho’s room tonight.”  
“Syoya... He knows.” Naturally, his boyfriend’s hug comforted him. Still, there was a voice in his mind that told him he did not deserve his comfort, that he only got this because he had hurt a friend. 

“It can’t be helped.” Sukai hugged him closer, as if he wanted to make sure that Shosei didn’t break down.  
“Was it right what we did?”  
“I don’t know. Maybe we should have talked to him. But I don’t regret it.”  
“I don’t regret it, too. But I don’t want my friend to be hurt because of me... because of us.”  
“We will talk with him tomorrow. I’m sure he will understand.” 

Shosei hoped it was true. He was glad that his boyfriend was someone composed. It made him feel secure in this moment.  
While there was still the voice inside of him that made him feel bad about his actions, he accepted the solace Sukai gave him. He needed it.  
The door was closed behind his back and he let himself fall more into the strong arms of his boyfriend, in hope it could silence the voice that tormented him.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me why I'm here again.  
> But well, there was a SkySei crumb today that inspired me and I have some actual progress with my thesis, so it should be fine... I guess.  
> I hope you enjoyed the story!  
> See you~


End file.
